Everyone has that friend who, at some point in their relationship, they could have sworn they’d be friends forever. Over time, life got complicated, and time flew quicker than expected. When you think about it, you haven’t hung out or conversed in—what?— years? Maybe even two?
If you have that kind of friend and constantly think about them, it’s only fair to try and reach out. You know what they say: if you’re missing someone, they’re probably missing you too. They could feel the same way you do; like you, they probably don’t know where to start.
This article has valuable tips to help you reconnect with that friend you haven’t talked to.
#1) Prepare Yourself Mentally
Friendships often fade because of distance and misunderstandings. If your company suffers the latter, take some time to organize your thoughts and feelings before deciding to reach out to your friend. There’s a mix of emotions when you go without talking to someone for a long time, given how lives can change over time. It can surprise them; they can be skeptical or otherwise caught off guard hearing from you out of the blue after all this time. You can avoid the awkwardness by keeping low expectations and weighing all outcomes before reaching out.
#2) Look for Conversation Starters
Birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions offer ideal topics for naturally conversing with anyone. Browse your friend’s social media page and check for noteworthy events like a new job or an upcoming anniversary, then use it as a conversation starter.
You can comment on their post or message them, “Hey Lisa, happy early 40th! I’m happy about this big milestone in your life and hope you celebrate in style! Would love to join in raising a glass…” Such context provides you with natural timing to spark a conversation and possibly get a positive response.
#3) Reach Out on Social Media Platforms
You may have lost their phone number if you’ve not spoken to your friend for a long time. However, almost everyone is active on social media so that you can find them on one of the many social sites. Type their name and browse the profiles in the results. Once you see their profile, send them a direct message with a clear subject line.
If you can’t find your friend on social media, use Nuwber. This platform contains a database of millions of U.S. citizens, making it easy to get anyone’s contact details and social media accounts quickly.
#4) Call or Send a Friendly Text
Phone calls are as good as in-person conversations because they allow you to express enthusiasm, seek clarification, and engage the other party better than texting. Call them if you want instant feedback on how they feel about reuniting with you.
It’s worth noting that some people rarely pick up calls from strange numbers. So, if they don’t pick up, consider sending them a text, and don’t forget to notify them who you are.
#5) Have an Open Conversation
When you finally contact your friend, enquire about how they’re doing and try to find out why they went silent. Many people often assume that when you look for them out of the blue, you either seek a favor or want something from them. If you’re not excellent with conversion starters, it also helps to be upfront with them and tell them you want to reconnect. They’ll likely respond positively if you’re open and honest about why you contacted them.
#6) Apologize if You Have to
If you’re responsible for your fallout in one way or another, it’s only right to apologize. Unsaid apologies often create a barrier that otherwise prevents you from genuinely reconnecting. Even if you didn’t hurt them, expressing remorse for the natural decline in your friendship demonstrates that you still care and are interested in rekindling it.
#7) Be Strategic About It
Talking over the phone or text can sometimes come with awkward silences, especially if your relationship ended on bad terms. Please set up a meeting in public and use it as a springboard to rekindle your friendship. Like regular meet-ups, an actionable plan shows you’re genuinely interested in linking up with them. You can make your conversation more engaging by reminiscing about the nostalgic moments you enjoyed together.
#8) Respect Their Boundaries
Since you haven’t talked in ages, so much could be happening in your friend’s life that they may not wish to share. They could be in a lousy marriage, struggling with kids, or a bad job. Most of these factors could affect their availability. When they dismiss your request to meet at a specific date, time, or location, understand and respect their decision.
#9) Be Consistent
Even after reconnecting and resolving your differences, cultivate the new connection. Check up on each other and avoid any geographic, al or otherwise challenges that could set you apart again. It gets easier when you learn to trust each other again, share your experiences, and be there for each other. It strengthens your friendship further and bypasses the awkwardness of reconnecting after a long time.
#10) Be Patient
Rebuilding a friendship requires both parties to trust and adapt to each other’s new tastes and preferences. Don’t lose hope when your conversations have awkward pauses initially. So much has changed over the years, and it’ll likely take some time to familiarize yourself with your friend’s new personality.
If you wronged them, understand that it’ll likely take some time for them to forgive and trust you fully. Being patient and setting realistic expectations allows the friendship to blossom naturally and avoid putting unnecessary pressure on each other.
Rekindling a friendship can sometimes feel like making new friends. This is to be expected, given that people evolve with time. Their lives have most likely changed, which requires you to adapt to their new personality. If you’re genuinely interested in having them, be patient and approach each interaction openly.
Nevertheless, these tips will help rekindle any friendship, even if it ends sourly.